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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25805011">Maeglin's Choice</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrissyStriped/pseuds/ChrissyStriped'>ChrissyStriped</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works &amp; Related Fandoms, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Confessions, Corporal Punishment, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Gondolin, Guilt, Past Slavery, Past Torture, Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:54:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,759</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25805011</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrissyStriped/pseuds/ChrissyStriped</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After his release from Angband, Maeglin confides in Rog.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Maeglin | Lómion &amp; Rog</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>91</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>145</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rog sat at his workbench drawing a diagram, the window wide open to let the starlight and the cool night air in. He liked to work at this time, ‘in the dark’ like the Noldor with their eyes used to brighter light would say. But he had been born under the stars and dragged off to the deeper darkness of Angband. Isil, he could get used to, he’d come to appreciate him, but Anar still hurt his eyes if it was a cloudless day.</p><p>Rog turned to the door when someone knocked against the frame, it stood open. He was surprised that someone should bother him at this late hour.</p><p>“Maeglin”, he said surprised. “What can I do for you?”</p><p>Maeglin’s gaze shot nervously through the room. He didn’t carry a lamp, Rog knew he was as attuned to twilight as him. At first he’d tried to befriend the boy, he knew how it was to be stared at and hear the gossip about oneself, but Maeglin seemed to value his solitude and finally Rog had given up on sending him invitations.</p><p>“You said I can visit you any time. I brought wine.” Maeglin uncertainly waved a bottle.</p><p>Rog's surprise only grew. What had brought this on? But he shrugged his shoulders and pointed at a stool.</p><p>“Take a seat.”</p><p>He dug out two clean cups and offered them to Maeglin to fill. It didn’t escape him how his hand trembled when he poured the wine. Something was wrong.</p><p>“Rog, I... I need help.” His eyes were full of pain. “I don’t know what to do anymore.”</p><p>Rog was reminded of how young Maeglin still was. Something was frightening him badly. He put his hand on the boy’s shoulder.</p><p>“Whatever it is, we’ll find a solution”, he said gently and opened his mind just a little to the probing he felt. It made him uncomfortable, his mind had been raked habitually by any Maia he crossed ways with until he’d learned to close himself off, and even then... Rog shuddered and shook the memories off, concentrating on sending Maeglin acceptance and goodwill. “There’s always a solution.”</p><p>Maeglin took a deep breath.</p><p>“The enemy knows the location of Gondolin, its layout, our number of troops. I... I told him. Everything!”, he blurted out.</p><p>Rog stared at him in terror. The cold darkness of Angband enveloped him. He felt the gnawing hunger, the burning welts on his back, hard hands that pushed him down, tearing pain, blood on his thighs. No, never again! He’d die in battle and sell his life dearly, force them to kill him – and if that didn’t work, he’d take his own life – before letting himself be turned slave again. His lungs demanded air and Rog realised he’d stopped breathing. He took a deep breath and gulped down half his cup.</p><p>“How?”, he croaked. “Why? What happened?”</p><p> </p><p>Maeglin sat hunched on his stool, the glimpse of Rog’s terror before he’d shut him out an icy touch on his mind. He was so tense, his muscles ached. It had cost him weeks – weeks of sleepless nights and nightmares – panicking every time he contemplated it to muster the courage to confide in him. He didn’t dare to go to Turgon or one of the other lords, but Rog... Rog had been a slave in Angband, he might understand – if he listened long enough.</p><p>He waited for Rog to call him traitor, throw him out of his house, beat him, but he only said: “How? Why? What happened?”</p><p>Maeglin sobbed, scared of the memories and relieved that Rog was <em>asking </em>at the same time.</p><p>“When I was searching for good places for new mines the last time... I left the ring, deliberately and not for the first time, but this time... I ran into orcs. They took me captive and brought me to... <em>him</em>. Have you ever met <em>him</em>?”, he croaked.</p><p>Rog emptied his cup and poured himself another one.</p><p>“Yes”, he whispered. “But only from afar.”</p><p>“He ordered Gorthaur to torture me”, Maeglin said with breaking voice, his throat tight with tears. “And watched the whole time. His eyes on me... always on me... I... I didn’t want to betray Gondolin, but...”</p><p>Rog embraced him and Maeglin cried trembling at his shoulder.</p><p>“I know”, Rog said. “I don’t blame you for talking under torture. Everyone breaks eventually. This is what you fear, isn’t it? That they won’t understand, that they’ll call you traitor.”</p><p>Maeglin nodded although it wasn’t the whole truth. He didn’t care for Gondolin. He didn’t care for all the elves living here. What had they ever done for him? They despised him for his father’s blood in his veins. But Idril loved this place and these people and he’d save Gondolin for her. It was her opinion of him that mattered.</p><p>He didn’t tell Rog that Morgoth had offered her to him in return for Gondolin’s betrayal, again and again before torture sessions (‘Think about it, Maeglin. No more pain, instead I’ll give you everything you ever wanted. You’ll rule Gondolin with Idril at your side.') – or that he’d been tempted. He hadn’t talked because of that in the end, anyway, he simply hadn’t been able to take the pain any longer. He ached for Idril, but he knew she wouldn’t be happy, if Morgoth had his way and he wanted her happy. Her people had to survive this.</p><p>“We have to tell Turgon”, Rog said still stroking his back, after Maeglin’s sobs had subsided.</p><p>Maeglin’s heart started to race again. He didn’t want to see the disappointment in his uncle’s eyes -  the disappointment about him failing to be like his mother. He hadn’t escaped, he’d been set free.</p><p>“I know”, he sobbed.</p><p>Rog gently wiped the tears from his cheeks and Maeglin leaned into the touch, instinctively reaching out with his mind again. He’d never been able to penetrate the adamant walls around Rog’s mind, but now he opened them for him for the second time this night. Rog didn’t judge him, he believed him, he didn’t despise him for his deed. He <em>knew </em>in a way no one in this city - outside of his House - could. He didn’t even resent that Maeglin had been as distant with him as with anyone else.</p><p>“I’ll come with you, Maeglin. It was very brave of you to tell me this. I know how hard it must have been. Turgon is going to undertand – I’ll <em>make </em>him understand, if I have to – that this was not your fault. He listened to me, one of the few Noldor that tried to understand me and mine.”</p><p>“Noldor are good in despising those who are different”, Maeglin said bitterly.</p><p>Gondolin had been a dream his mother had painted for him with her stories, but for him it had turned into a nightmare. His parents dead, his uncle always comparing him to Aredhel, a cousin who’d first pitied him to only turn away in disgust when he’d confessed his feelings and a population who saw the differences between him and them as evidence that he was somehow wrong.</p><p>“How can you bear it?”, he whispered. “The looks, the whispers.”</p><p>“Oh, my boy.” Rog shook his head. “They aren’t all like this. Given time, you’ll find those who are ready to accept you as you are – but you have to allow it, too.”</p><p>“I’m sorry”, Maeglin sobbed, hearing the slight rebuke clearly. “I know you tried to reach out to me, help me feel at home, but...”</p><p>Rog was an Avar and he’d reminded him too much of his father at the time to feel comfortable in his presence. The things they had in common had made it impossible for him to become friends with him. He gulped. Maybe it wasn’t too late... if his uncle let him live.</p><p>“You’ll come with me to talk to the king?” He was so afraid of talking to Turgon. What if he judged that his father’s fate should be his? Eol’s curse.</p><p>Rog nodded gravely. “We should go immediately, though I’d rather get drunk right now. Better to have more time to prepare. Do you have any idea, when Morgoth will attack?”</p><p>“The Gates of Summer”, Maeglin whispered. “When everyone’s mind will be elsewhere.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can’t this wait till tomorrow?”, Turgon asked, blinking sleepily at them.</p><p>“No”, Rog answered decisively. “And once you’ve heard what Maeglin has to tell you, you’ll see that, too.”</p><p>Rog laid his hand calmingly on Maeglin’s back. The boy was trembling. He’d take care of him, regardless of the way Turgon would react to the news. No free elf could ever really understand that enough pain broke everyone. Turgon became very pale while Maeglin told what had happened with tears running down his face. Rog shuddered, the story wasn’t any less gruesome for hearing it the second time, although Maeglin didn’t go into detail – he didn’t have to, Rog had seen enough in his time to imagine it vividly.</p><p>“M-Morgoth’s army will attack before sunrise on the day of Tarnin Austa”, Maeglin whispered.</p><p>Turgon’s eyes widened, they had four weeks. Time to prepare but maybe not enough.</p><p>“Rog, summon the other lords immediately. I don’t care if you wake them. We have to start planning.”</p><p>“You are still set on fighting for the city? Even now...”</p><p>Turgon made an impatient motion with his hand. “Let’s talk about this when the others are here, yes?”</p><p>Rog gave Maeglin a silent look. Could he leave him with Turgon? Maeglin nodded almost imperceptibly. Rog bowed to his king and left.</p><p> </p><p>Maeglin looked at the floor after Rog had left. He couldn’t meet his uncle’s eyes, didn’t want to see the distaste in them. He expected Turgon to call for the guards and let him be marched off, now that Rog was gone, and tensed when his uncle embraced him.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, my boy”, he said softly.</p><p>“Not your fault”, Maeglin sniffled. “I broke the law. I shouldn’t have left the city.”</p><p>Turgon shook his head. “I didn’t mean that. I don’t know what I did to make you afraid of my judgement and that it was easier for you to talk to Rog than to me, but I’m sorry for it.”</p><p>Maeglin clung to him as he would have liked to do all these years ago after his mother’s death, right now he couldn’t even feel resentful because Turgon hadn’t been there for him then. He was now and no word of anger came over his lips while he held him.</p><p>“We have to leave”, Maeglin finally said with trembling voice. “Ulmo himself sent you a warning.”</p><p>Turgon lifted his eyebrows. “You talked differently when Tuor brought me his words.”</p><p>Maeglin ducked his head. He’d known that Turgon didn’t like Ulmo’s words, spoken by the human and he had wanted to remain in good graces with his uncle.</p><p>“I didn’t know then... uncle, you always say that our strength is secrecy. We can’t win against Morgoth’s army, now that he knows where we are!”</p><p>Turgon’s eyes were sad and Maeglin could see the reproaches he didn’t voice. He detached himself from his embrace.</p><p>“I’m sorry”, he said huskily. “I doomed Gondolin.”</p><p>He was spared Turgon’s answer by Ecthelion and Glorfindel arriving – together as usual.</p><p>“What’s going on?”, Ecthelion asked. “Rog was very secretive about the reason for this nightly meeting.”</p><p>“We’ll wait for the others”, Turgon said.</p><p>Maeglin moved into the shadow of a pillar, away from the eyes of the other lords. Turgon had reacted less angry than he’d expected, might even forgive him, but he was sure that his lords would meet his betrayal with less benevolence. They’d never accepted him as one of them. They’d demand Turgon to punish him, even if Turgon wasn’t intending to do so anyway. He relaxed a little when Rog came back, one of the last, and moved to his side.</p><p>“No one will hurt you”, he said softly. “Your uncle does not allow the law to be taken from his hands and I’m at your side... wanuro.”</p><p>Maeglin threw him a startled look.</p><p>Rog smiled wryly. “I hope you don’t think me presumptuous. I think, you don’t like to remember your father, but we were of the same clan, Hwenti, who went west long after the Vanyar and Noldor had left, that makes us family in my eyes. And you know Angband, we share that. Kin twice over.”</p><p>Maeglin blinked quickly to keep back tears of emotion. Rog was reaching out to him in a way he’d not known he craved.</p><p>“Thank you”, he whispered. “Thank you... wanuro.”</p><p>Rog patted his arm. “Everything will turn out well, you’ll see. You are not alone.”</p><p>Maeglin could almost believe it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>'Hwenti' is one of the endonyms Tolkien gives in 'Quendi and Eldar' (HoME 11) for different tribes of Avari. I made Rog and Eol both Avari from the same tribe, who eventually wandered further west but with no intention of going to Aman.<br/>'wanuro' is an older form of 'gwanur' = kinsman; here it's meant to be in Rog's native language which Maeglin also learned from Eol.</p><p>I have the strong urge to continue this (I have a few ideas of how it might go from here), but I do not have time right now for another long-ish wip, so for the foreseeable future it'll remain a one-shot.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>„Traitor!”, Ecthelion hissed and Rog stared angrily at him when Maeglin hunched his shoulders.</p><p>‘I’d like to see how you’d act if you were treated like he was’, he thought.</p><p>“He isn’t”, Turgon said. “He was forced under torture to disclose information and he told us the truth.” In the last years, Rog had sometimes doubted his decision to follow Turgon, but right now he was reminding him why he'd done it in the first place. Turgon didn’t judge prematurely. “Maeglin is my nephew and a Lord of Gondolin and we have to stand together now.”</p><p>Ecthelion gave Maeglin a look that could have killed, but he didn’t contradict the king.</p><p>“We should have left when Tuor brought Ulmo’s message”, Idril said. “He knew this would happen!”</p><p>“But where should we go?”, Glorfindel asked. “Hithlum is in the enemy’s hands, Nargothrond is destroyed. Círdan and Gil-galad are holding the Isle of Balar, but I doubt they’ll be able to supply themselves <em>and</em> us, now that there’s no support from the main land anymore, even if we take stores and livestock with us. And the way is long and dangerous. We are going to be slow, vulnerable. Fifteen years ago it might have been possible, but now...”</p><p>“And I say, now it is safer then when Tuor came”, Rog said. “Nargothrond had just fallen then, a dragon was between us and the sea and orc units were everywhere. Morgoth doesn’t know that we are aware of his plans, that’s an advantage. He is going to concentrate on his war preparations. We can move south. Yes, we are going to be slow. We are going to have civilians and children with us. We <em>should </em>take as much stores and livestock as possible. And we’ll have to be wary, but we can take the road to Nargothrond before we come to the wilderness in the south. The dragon is dead, Nargothrond deserted. And even if we encounter orcs, I’m sure we’d outnumber them. Morgoth is not going to send large armies into the wild, when he’s planning an attack on us. We’ll only encounter scouts and scavengers. We’ll be able to deal with that.”</p><p>“You seem to know an awful lot about what Morgoth is going to do”, Galdor growled.</p><p>Rog sneered at him, the Sinda had never stopped being suspicious of him.</p><p>“Peace”, Duilin said and shook his head, “but, Rog, you said it yourself. We wouldn’t be an army on the march. We’d have civilians with us. Can you imagine the chaos if we are attacked and they panic? Do you remember how long it took to get everyone here from Vinyamar. And that was in times of peace.”</p><p>“And in secret.”</p><p>“We should try for secrecy now, too.”</p><p>“Ulmo wanted us to abandon the city”, Tuor said with his deep voice that stood out from that of the elves although he spoke accent free Sindarin. “That’s why he sent me as his messenger. I don’t know if it is already too late or if it is still possible. But I think we should go, although he didn’t tell me, where we should go.”</p><p>“Yes, he did”, Idril countered. “<em>‘Remember that the true hope of the Noldor lieth in the West, and cometh from the Sea.’</em> We should move in the direction of the sea. We should join up with Círdan and Gil-galad.”</p><p>“And wait for the Valar to have mercy?” Ecthelion huffed. “They abandoned us. They don’t care what Morgoth is doing here in the east as long as he stays away from Aman!”</p><p>“Ulmo wouldn’t have talked like that, if he didn’t think there was hope!”, Idril snapped back. “And <em>he </em>at least never abandoned us. It won’t be an easy road, but I’m ready to go it. How many will die if we stay and fight? Even if we win. It’s going to be a fight for the city. I might not know much about warfare but I don’t see how it could be avoided to involve civilians.”</p><p>“But we have a chance to win, to protect Gondolin, now that we know that he’s coming”, Ecthelion said. “We can strengthen the walls, build up our stocks. The city has a lot of fountains. We can withstand a siege.”</p><p>“Not forever. And there’s no one who could relieve us”, Rog answered. “All of you, who fought in the Nirnaeth have seen his might...”</p><p>“If Maedhros had come as promised, we’d have won”, Glorfindel cut in.</p><p>“But we lost", Rog looked sternly at him, "and at that time all the power of the Noldor had come together! We are just one city. We have ten thousand soldiers, maybe we can raise thrice as much if we start immediately to train everyone who is capable of holding a weapon. But do you really want to send new recruits into a battle against Morgoth’s army? And even if a miracle should happen and we win the first time – he’d just come back stronger in a few years!”</p><p>Rog fell silent when Turgon stood up.</p><p>“I have to think about what you all said. Salgant, I want a list of our stores and livestock. Penlod, analyse last year’s census and tell me how many soldiers we could possibly recruit. I want both your results by tomorrow evening. Go home now, I’ll call you, once I’ve made my decision.”</p><p> </p><p>Rog could see that Maeglin had hoped Turgon would make an immediate decision. Every day they waited was one too many. Dawn was already rising when Turgon disbanded he meeting and Rog stepped beside Maeglin.</p><p>“Come with me”, he said softly. He didn’t want the boy to be alone with his thoughts.</p><p>Maeglin didn’t argue and followed him silently to his home. The lights were already on in the kitchen and Rog persuaded the cook to make them an early breakfast that he carried up to his office.</p><p>“Just take some of the papers off a chair”, he told Maeglin and pushed a stack of pages aside to be able to put the plates with scrambled eggs and toast on his desk.</p><p>Maeglin carefully lifted a folder with sketches off a chair and sat down, holding the folder awkwardly in his hands.</p><p>“You can lay that on the floor.”</p><p>“I don’t want to confuse anything”, Maeglin said and Rog laughed.</p><p>“Does it look like order here?”</p><p>That coaxed a wry smile out of him.</p><p>“Who knows?”</p><p>“No.” Rog shook his head and dug into his breakfast. “I need order at the forge, everything has to be in its place so I can reach blindly for it, but planning... looks like this.”</p><p>“What do you think, he’ll do?” Maeglin poked at his eggs.</p><p>“Turgon?” Rog shrugged. “No idea. He loves his city and if it weren’t Morgoth, I’d agree with Ecthelion. We can hold out a while and harrass the attackers until they give up. But Morgoth won’t give up. He doesn’t care how many soldiers are going to die in this. He has enough.”</p><p>He saw Maeglin tremble and berated himself for his thoughtlessness.</p><p>“He won’t get you”, he said firmly. “I promise. I won’t let it happen.”</p><p>“I’m afraid he’ll find out that I talked”, Maeglin whispered. “He... he’s going to... he threatened to blind me, if I betray him!”</p><p>“He won’t get you”, Rog repeated. “I escaped and I won’t go back – and neither will you.”</p><p>Maeglin looked at him with dark, fearful eyes. “What are you going to do?”</p><p>Rog slowly shrugged. In a fight? Force his opponent to kill him.</p><p>“If Turgon decides to stay... I swore him fealty in return for him doing his best to protect me and mine. But if he decides to stay, it’s not his best, I think.” These thoughts just started to take form in his mind. “The Noldor undoubtedly would see that differently, but I’m Avar and if we think our leader is wrong, we go our own way.” He shook his head. “Let’s see what Turgon decides before thinking about our reaction.”</p><p>Maeglin looked tired and Rog took the still half-full plate from his hand.</p><p>“You should lie down. How long since you slept last? I’ll take you home.”</p><p>“No!” Maeglin clung to his arm. “Please, don’t leave me alone! I can’t sleep! Every time I close my eyes, I’m <em>there </em>again.”</p><p>“Then sleep here." Rog gently laid his hand on his head. "I can give you something that keeps the memories away.”</p><p>Maeglin leaned into his hand and Rog could see how much he yearned for this gentleness. He bowed forward and kissed his forehead.</p><p>“Come, little one, I’ll tuck you in.”</p><p>He didn’t have children and he’d never have them, never felt like he wanted any. Aredhel had married his kinsman and although the possibility had never been there, he couldn’t stop himself from wondering how it would have been, if Maeglin had been his son.</p><p>“Is it going to make me dream?”, Maeglin asked warily and Rog shook his head.</p><p>“It isn’t hallucinogenic, but it’s going to help you relax and feel safe. For me it feels like my mind is wrapped in a warm blanket, far from any danger.”</p><p>“That sounds nice.”</p><p>Maeglin stood up and let Rog lead him to a guest room.</p><p>“Get comfortable. I’ll be back in a minute. If you need something, use the bell. You don’t have to feel ashamed. My whole household is made up of people who endured Angband. They know what you went through – what you are going through now.”</p><p>Maeglin let go of him hesitantly and Rog hurried to his own bed room to fetch the bottle with the dark syrupy liquid. He rarely used it, his states of anxiety had become rare – but it calmed him to have it nearby.</p><p>Maeglin already lay in bed, trembling with tenseness, when he came back. His face was blank and Rog realised he was hiding his anxiety that way. He wondered now how often people thought him unapproachable, because he felt insecure and fearful and hiding it behind an intense stare and tight lips. Rog let the syrup run on a spoon and offered it to Maeglin.</p><p>“You don’t have to, but I think a few hours’ sleep will do you some good.”</p><p>Maeglin nodded. “I want it. I haven’t slept well for weeks.”</p><p>He grimaced when he swallowed. The herbs were sweetened with honey, but they still tasted acrid.</p><p>“Do you want me to leave or stay until you sleep?”, Rog asked.</p><p>“Stay, if... if you have nothing better to do.”</p><p>“There is nothing ‘better’ than helping someone who is in pain.”</p><p>“Rog?” Maeglin blushed.</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“Would you stroke my hair.”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>Rog sat down beside him and gently caressed his head. He wondered how long Maeglin hadn’t had anyone who would give him something like that. Since his mother had died? He must have been so lonely.</p><p>“Thank you”, Maeglin’s eyes were already sleepy. “I... I don’t know what I expected when I came to you this night, but it wasn’t this and I’m glad.”</p><p>Rog smiled at him. “I’m glad that you don’t regret it. There’s always a light in the dark, Maeglin, sometimes it’s just hard to see.”</p><p>“Lómion”, Maeglin mumbled. “Please, call me Lómion.”</p><p>Rog kissed his forehead.</p><p>“Sleep well, Lómion.”</p><p>He remained at his side until he was sure that he was sleeping deeply, then he stood up silently and went for his own bed. He hoped, Turgon would make the right decision. He didn’t want to be forced to make a hard choice.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've already written some more, but it's all still pretty disjointed, so updates will be irregular. But yes, there will be updates :).</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Maeglin felt as well rested as he hadn’t in weeks when he woke. He’d slept dreamlessly and waking was peaceful, too – he felt safe. Rog was gone, but he hadn’t expected him to sit at his bed the whole day and watch him sleep. Maeglin pulled the curtains back and saw that the sun was already lowering in the west. He’d slept the whole day. Not that that was unusual for him. It had been normal in his childhood, at least when Eol was home, and he still liked to work in the night.</p><p>Maeglin dressed and hesitantly reached for the bell. He wanted to speak to Rog before he went home, wanted to explain that he wasn’t always so whiny and needy. Rog had given him what he needed and he hadn’t seemed to mind very much, but he didn’t want to alienate him. He knew where Rog’s office was, but maybe he wouldn’t be there and he was a guest here, he didn’t want to presume to wander around the house alone.</p><p>But his stomach was roiling nervously when he thought about meeting a stranger, even if it was a servant. Maeglin gulped and wiped his hands on his trousers. Rog had said yesterday that everyone in his house would be able to understand what he had endured in Angband, but that wasn’t his only concern. He’d always been too different. Yes, they’d treated him with respect, he was the nephew of the king, after all, and he’d earned the respect of the soldiers under his command in the Nirnaeth, but he was still only half-Noldo and that wasn’t enough.</p><p>Maeglin would have liked nothing better than to hide in bed again and wait for Rog to come to him, but what an impression would that make on Rog? Before he could worry about it any more he rang the bell. Now there was no going back. He paced around the room restlessly and flinched when there was a knock on the door and an elf came in.</p><p>“What can I do for you, my Lord?”, she asked.</p><p>Maeglin nervously laced his fingers together. “I wondered if Rog would have time for me? Could you take me to him?”</p><p>“Of course.” She smiled at him and he saw that she was wearing artificial incisors. “He asked to be told when you wake. Please, come with me.”</p><p>Maeglin followed her, not sure if he should be relieved that she didn’t seem to wonder about him having slept here. What might she be thinking? Did she already know what he had done? Rog sat at his desk and wrote something. He had stacked the folders and loose sheets to both sides of him so he had place to write. It was a mystery to Maeglin how he could work like that.</p><p>“Did you sleep well... Maeglin?”</p><p>Maeglin heard the hesitation before his name and remembered with a shock that he’d asked Rog to call him by his amilesse. He felt hot and he was sure that his face had become red. He barely noticed Rog dismissing his servant with a thank you.</p><p>“Very... very well”, he stuttered.</p><p>“You asked me to call you Lómion yesterday”, Rog said seriously. “And if you still want that, I’ll do so gladly. But I understand that it is a very personal name for you and if you think differently about it now – you were drugged – I won’t be insulted.”</p><p>Maeglin bit his lower lip nervously. He wanted it, he just didn’t know if it was proper to ask it of Rog. Rog had called him wanuro and he felt like family, although Maeglin knew he had no right to think like that when he’d kept away from Rog all this time – only turning to him when he’d needed his help. He nodded quickly.</p><p>“If you don’t mind?”, he whispered.</p><p>“Why should I?” Rog smiled at him.</p><p>“it’s just... would you mind to still call me Maeglin, if someone else can hear. It would seem... wrong in public.”</p><p>“Whatever you need.” Rog just nodded, as if he didn’t think anything strange about it, but that made Maeglin only more nervous.</p><p>“Rog... I just wanted to say, I’m not always so... so needy. It was a hard day and...” He fell silent because he didn’t know how to continue. “I’d better go now.”</p><p>Rog laid his hand on his shoulder. “I don’t think that you are needy. Maeglin, you were hurt and tried to hide that for I don’t know how long. I know it is often not easy to ask for help, especially with something like this, because it means to show someone your inmost being. But it is nothing wrong with needing help and you don’t jar on my nerves, or whatever you think. I’m here for you, whatever you need from me.”</p><p>“Can I do something for you?”, Maeglin asked embarrassed.</p><p>“In return? No. But I’d be happy, if we could spend more time together – if you want that, too.”</p><p>Maeglin nodded vehemently. “Yes, I’d like that!” Although he felt awkward in opening up to Rog, he felt like a friend already – family, as he’d said – and he wouldn’t give that up.</p><p>“Good. You have a standing invitation, come whenever you like. Here or in the forge. You can stay now, if you want?”</p><p>Maeglin shook his head. “Thank you, for everything, but I... I need a little time for myself.”</p><p>“Of course. We’ll see each other later, when Turgon is ready to give us his decision.”</p><p>Maeglin bade him goodbye and went home. He hoped Turgon would decide to give up the city. Rog was right, they wouldn’t be able to win against Morgoth in the long run.</p><p> </p><p>Idril slipped through the door and closed it quietly behind her. Her father was brooding over his documents and looked very unhappy.</p><p>“I said I don’t want to be disturbed”, he said and looked at her, but he said it only softly.</p><p>Idril sat down on the visitor’s chair and took his hands in hers.</p><p>“You know what is the right decision, father”, she said gently. “You knew the day would come and you knew that it is here when Tuor found his way to us. We have to leave.”</p><p>“It is dangerous.” He gave her a tired look. “The last time... I lost your mother and so many others.”</p><p>Idril kissed his cheek. The memory of her mother was a golden dream – father had smiled more back then – but she remembered the nightmares after the Crossing and the fear of losing her father, much more vividly.</p><p>“This time we don’t have to brave the Ice”, she whispered and shuddered.</p><p>“But we don’t know what awaits us on this road. How many are we going to lose? I have to do what is best for my people.”</p><p>“Surely the best can’t be found in a city that is going to be besieged. Ulmo wanted us to leave, we’ll be under his protection again at the sea. Please, father, I’m more afraid of what could happen if we stay than of the dangers of the road.”</p><p>Her father looked silently at her for a long time, then he kissed her hands.</p><p>“You think we should listen to Rog? You think he doesn’t exaggerate?”</p><p>“Well, I never saw Morgoth’s armies with my own eyes, but I think Rog knows what he is talking about”, Idril said seriously.</p><p>Her father took a deep breath and closed his eyes, then he nodded. “I just thought...” He sobbed. “I wanted you to be safe here. I thought I would never have to send you on such a journey.”</p><p>“Oh father!” Idril walked around the desk and sat on his lap, embracing him tightly. “I was so happy here. I was safe. Don’t think that it isn’t hard for me to leave Gondolin behind, but... it’s time.”</p><p>Her father nodded and held her close. “You are right of course. I hope it isn’t too late already. Ulmo surely had a reason to send me Tuor at the time he did it.”</p><p>“I have hope”, Idril said and leaned her forehead against her father's.</p><p>She didn’t tell him of the tunnel she had started to dig in reaction to her dreams, it looked like she wouldn’t need it now.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“We abandon the city”, Turgon said and Maeglin felt a burden fall off his shoulders.</p><p>He heard Rog breathe a sigh of relief. It wasn’t over, they weren’t safe, yet, but at least Turgon had made the right decision. His eyes strayed to Idril who stood beside her father. She would not die in this city. And he would protect her on the road, as well as he could from afar.</p><p>Suddenly Idril’s eyes met his and before Maeglin could turn away she smiled at him. Maeglin’s cheeks burned, his heart started to race. She hadn’t smiled at him since he’d told her of his feelings, had barely looked at him... But it meant nothing. She likley just was as relieved as him that Turgon had decided as he had.</p><p>They had bought some time for themselves and maybe it would give the scattered Noldor hope, when the Hidden King, who after Fingon’s death was High King of the Noldor, came out into the open – undefeated. Maeglin barely heard what the lords were discussing. There was so much to organise, it wasn’t a small thing to send a whole people and their belongings on a journey, but he was too relieved to concentrate on that now.</p><p>He had done the right thing. He had laid bare his transgression and by that saved the people, if not the city. Turgon had listened to him. Turgon had forgiven him. And Rog... Maeglin looked at his new friend and smiled. Maybe the world wasn’t as cold and dark as he had thought.Maeglin checked himself and listened to what was said. He was a Lord, too, he owed it to his people, who would lose their home, to be well prepared. They knew they had to hurry, the further they were away from the city when Morgoth noticed they had run, the better, so they decided to take only three days for planning and preparations. </p><p> </p><p>“Maeglin, can I talk to you for a moment?”</p><p>Maeglin tensed when he heard the voice. <em>Her </em>voice. She had only spoken to him if it was absolutely necessary for so long and now she was coming to him! He gulped, his mouth suddenly felt dry, and turned around to her. She stood in the door of the palace he had left in the break Turgon had allowed them. He needed some air.</p><p>They’d been planning for hours and Maeglin’s head hurt. <em>Now </em>his head felt light because Idril was so close to him. He desperately tried to think of something intelligent to say to her, but all his thoughts had fled his mind.</p><p>“Idril”, he croaked and felt a blush creep up his neck. Idril smiled at him and Maeglin had to force himself to not reach out for her.</p><p>They were alone, no one in sight, that hadn’t happened since he’d confessed his feelings to her.</p><p>“I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for what happened to you. I know that you stayed away from the city because you didn’t want to meet me after...”</p><p>“It wasn’t your fault”, Maeglin hurried to say, although she wasn’t exactly wrong. But he could never blame her for it. “I’m just glad that I won’t have the whole city on my conscience.” ‘I’m relieved that your life isn’t in danger anymore.’</p><p>“It was very brave of you to tell the truth”, she said and Maeglin felt a wave of happiness crash over him because she thought like that.</p><p>“You think so? You don’t think like... like Ecthelion?” And he didn’t know how many others.</p><p>Idril shook her head decisively. “You have your faults, Maeglin, but you aren’t a traitor.”</p><p>“Thank you for saying that.” Maeglin took a deep breath. “I know I didn’t treat you always right, but...”</p><p>He fell silent because he didn’t know how to continue. To remind her of his feelings would only chase her away, he was sure about that, and he didn’t want her to leave.</p><p>“Let’s be friends”, Idril said. “I know you don’t like Tuor, but we should stick together in these times and you are my cousin. I never wanted it to be so... complicated between us.”</p><p>‘You made it complicated’, was what Maeglin heard and he almost turned away in defeat, but she’d also said ‘Let’s be friends’.</p><p>He gulped. Could he spend time with her, knowing she’d only ever see a relative in him? Yes, he didn’t like Tuor. How could he, when he’d killed all hope that Idril could ever see something more in him?</p><p>“I’m sorry that you felt... harassed by me”, he answered. He’d never wanted <em>that. </em>He longed to touch her soul with his but he stopped himself, she surely wouldn’t want that. “I... can’t promise you that I will ever feel differently from how I feel about you now, but... but I know that I’ve lost. I’ll be your cousin, your friend, and nothing else.”</p><p>Idril looked a little nervous, but her voice was gentle, when she said: “You’ll find someone who can return your love as you deserve. I want this for you, Maeglin. I like you, but I never loved you like that and I would never have. Do you understand that?”</p><p>“I will try to understand”, Maeglin answered.</p><p>It still hurt that she kept him at armth length, that he’d never be as close to her as this mortal, but he would accept it. He’d learned that in Angband. He would have done anything to be allowed to love her, but he didn’t want it against her will. He’d accept that she didn’t love him and never would. Maeglin swallowed his tears.</p><p>“We should go back inside”, he said. “There’s still a lot to discuss.”</p><p>Maeglin let her go first and followed her back to the meeting room. He hunched up his shoulders when he saw the surprised looks at them coming back together. Tuor asked Idril something and she answered with a smile that gave his heart a jealous stab, but he forced himself to ignore it. He’d learn to accept it.</p><p>“Did you talk?”, Rog asked him and Maeglin nodded.</p><p>“She... she wants me as her friend.”</p><p>He tried to concentrate on the positive things in her words, although that wasn’t easy. It tasted bitter.</p><p>“And that is good, isn’t it?”, Rog said and squeezed his shoulder. “She understands that you didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. I admit, I don’t know much about what is called romantic love, but I can tell you, that friendships can be very close, too.”</p><p>Maeglin was surprised at his words.</p><p>“Have you never been in love?”, he asked and blushed. That was a terribly private question.</p><p>Rog didn't seem to mind, though, he just shook his head.</p><p>“There are elves who mean a lot to me. I love them as friends, but I’ve never felt the kind of love you mean – and I don’t miss it. But I think we should turn our attention back to Turgon.”</p><p>Maeglin turned around and noticed that his uncle had started to talk again. He took a deep breath and resigned himself to a few hours more of debates. But he still thought of Rog’s words. Could a friendship be really worth as much as a romantic relationship? Could you have a live as long as Rog’s and never fall in love? But he couldn't doubt him. Rog felt so... at peace with himself. Despite the things he’d lived through. Maeglin wished he were only half as strong as him.</p><p>He realised that he’d reached out for comfort with his mind, when he met with Rog’s walls of steel. He’d rarely met anyone with defences this strong. Rog let him in when he noticed and held him soothingly.</p><p>‘I’m sorry. You hate it when other’s touch your mind, don’t you?’, Maeglin said.</p><p>‘I’m getting used to you’, Rog answered and he didn’t sound angry – it was so much easier to communicate in thoughts, because he also got the feelings of the other. ‘It’s okay, Maeglin. I have my reasons why I shy back from that, but I know that it is instinct for you and that you feel better that way. You have my permission.’</p><p>‘Thank you.’</p><p>He didn’t know how he deserved so much goodwill from Rog, but it felt good to be trusted.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Maeglin was exhausted when he came home. They’d talked all night and half the morning. Turgon had only let them go to start making preparations. The news that they were giving up the city had been already proclaimed and everywhere the signs of people packing up their belongings could be seen. Talaran, his second-in-command, already waited for him.</p>
<p>“Is it true?”, he asked and Maeglin nodded tiredly.</p>
<p>“Morgoth knows where we are, the king decided to give up the city and I’m very relieved that he did.”</p>
<p>“You thought differently not so long ago.”</p>
<p>Maeglin grimaced. “Yes, that was before Morgoth found out about us.” He had to tell them – all the people of his House – or they’d hear it from someone else. The thought made his guts roil. “Talaran, call the officers and masters together and send someone into the mountains to bring our people in the mines back home. They should hurry, we only have three days – two and a half- to prepare. I’ll speak to everyone in an hour in the great hall.” Maeglin lifted his hand when Talaran opened his mouth. “Please, I’ll explain everything to you – later.” He had to prepare his speech and he needed a few minutes of sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maeglin still felt tired out when he entered the main hall of his house an hour later. His captains, master smiths and miners, who were currently in Gondolin, stood together in small groups and were conversing quietly. Maeglin felt his heart beat quicker when they all turend to him. He had the respect of his people, they were here, because they <em>wanted </em>to serve him. The thought of loosing that respect once they knew what he had done, made his hands tremble.</p>
<p>He took a deep breath and recollected himself. He hoped, no one would interrupt him during the speech he’d prepared. If he lost the thread, he wouldn’t be able to get through this. He felt terribly young and almost wished Rog were here to explain. Maeglin shook his head. Rog had helped him more than he ever dared hope, but he couldn’t lean on him all the time. He had managed on his own all this time, he could do this.</p>
<p>“We have to leave Gondolin. The King decided so because Morgoth knows now where our city is. You deserve to know the truth.” Maeglin had clenched his fists so hard that his nails bit into his palms, but he almost didn’t feel it. “It was me.” He tried to blend out the murmuring, staring straight ahead. What were they going to do? “A while ago, I was searching for new places to mine, I was captured by orcs. They brought me to Morgoth...” His voice broke when the memory assaulted him. He forced his tears back.</p>
<p>“I wasn’t strong enough. I talked. I will release everyone from my service who wants me to. I could understand, if you don’t want to serve me anymore. The King has decided to abandon the city in three days. All available carts and horses are to be gathered, they’ll be needed for provisions. What personal belongings you want to take must not be more than you can carry. Work equipment is exempt from that. You can bring it to the festival ground and have it registered, it will be transported.”</p>
<p>Not his most eloquent speech, all things considered. Maeglin couldn’t look into their eyes. They had to hate him! He almost feared they’d attack him – and he’d deserve it. He jumped when Talaran laid his hand on his shoulder.</p>
<p>“I for my part keep faith with you, my lord. Tell me what there is to do.” More softly he added: “You look very tired. Sleep a bit more, I’ll take care of everything.”</p>
<p>Maeglin stifled a relieved sob.</p>
<p>“Thank you!”, he whispered.</p>
<p>He quickly told Talaran everything they’d decided in the last hours. He couldn’t remember how he’d found his bed, he was already asleep when his head hit the pillow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maeglin wandered through the silent house. He met no one, it was like a nightmare. Had everyone left? He wasn’t surprised. Who would want to serve a traitor? He hadn’t dared to ring for a servant, because if no one would have come, he’d have had certainty of what he expected anyway – that no one was here anymore. He’d washed and dressed alone and now was on his way to the kitchen for a dinner – if they’d left any food – before going back to the palace for another council round.</p>
<p>He was surprised to hear voices in the kitchen and wanted to hurry back up the hallway because he dreaded to meet some stragglers, when the door opened and he looked into the face of a startled servant.</p>
<p>“Lord Maeglin, you’re awake? I was on my way to wake you. Dinner is ready for you and Talaran said, you need to be at the palace at ninth bell.”</p>
<p>Maeglin blinked taken aback and lost for words.</p>
<p>“Please, the table is set.”</p>
<p>“But... I thought... where is everyone?”</p>
<p>“Making preparations for the journey, my lord. Packing up important things and bringing it to the festival grounds.”</p>
<p>“Talaran has everything under control, hm?”</p>
<p>“Yes, my lord.” Maeglin felt something in his chest uncoil. “I’ll be in the dining room”, he said and turned around.</p>
<p>He didn’t know how many people had turned from him – and he wasn’t sure if he even wanted to know right now – but it looked like he still had a House. He didn’t really know what to think of that. Why didn’t they hate him?</p>
<p>He was relieved that Talaran was taking care of things. Turgon had made him his sword teacher – Eol had taught him to forge swords but had never thought it necessary to teach him how to use them – and he’d stayed as his second-in-command even when he didn’t need any more instruction. He had made the journey from Aman, he’d be better at organising this than Maeglin.</p>
<p>Dinner was dished up and Maeglin felt tears rush to his eyes. His cook had managed to get hold of fresh stinging nettle in this chaos and made him nettle salad for starter. It was one of his favourite dishes – something the Noldor didn’t know and that he only rarely got because they didn’t harvest the young leaves. What did it mean? Was he so important to his cook that he went out of his way to prepare this for him? He’d stayed too... or maybe he intended to leave and just wanted to make him a nice last meal. Maeglin nodded to himself. That must be it. He was still grateful for it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Maeglin looked down when Earendil rode up beside him on his pony.</p><p>“Does your mother know where you are?”</p><p>He wasn’t sure if Idril really wanted him anywhere near her son. Earendil nodded with a wide smile and Maeglin smiled back.</p><p>“She says, I can ride with you.”</p><p>“Then it’s alright.”</p><p>Maeglin frantically searched for something to say to him. He’d barely ever seen the boy in the past years.</p><p>“Uncle?”, Earendil asked with a small voice.</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“Am I bothering you? Do you want me to leave?” The boy looked downcast, his smile gone.</p><p>“What? No!” Maeglin rubbed his forehead. “No. I like to have you here.” He hadn’t wanted him to feel unwanted! “Hey, let’s play. Do you know any riddles?”</p><p>“Of course!” Earendil nodded, looking happy again. “You ask first!”</p><p>“Okay.” Maeglin acted as if he had to think first, although he had already something on his mind.</p><p>„Reaching stiffly for the sky,<br/>
I bare my fingers when its cold.<br/>
In warmth I wear an emerald glove<br/>
and in between I dress in gold.“</p><p>“A tree!”, Earendil said after a moment. “That was easy! My turn!”</p><p> </p><p>Idril found them when they reached their camp for the night.</p><p>“Nana! What is that?", Earendil said excitedly.</p><p>"Six legs, two heads,<br/>
Two hands, one long nose.<br/>
Yet he uses only four legs<br/>
Wherever he goes.“</p><p>„Hmm, I don’t know.” Idril winked at Maeglin. “I hope he didn’t bother you too much.”</p><p>“Not at all! We’ve had fun. He made that riddle up himself.”</p><p>“Uncle Maeglin helped.” Earendil’s cheeks were red with excitement. Maeglin felt a warm glow of happiness because he called him uncle. “Do you want me to tell you?” Earendil bounced a little in his saddle. Idril smiled.</p><p>“Yes, tell me. I can’t think of the solution.”</p><p>“A rider!”</p><p>“Very clever, ion. Shall we ask ada after dinner?”</p><p>“Yes!” Earendil looked at Maeglin. “Are you eating with us, uncle?”</p><p>Maeglin squirmed. “I have to take care of my people, Earendil.”</p><p>“I’d be happy to have you as our guest”, Idril said and sought his gaze. “If your time allows it.”</p><p>Maeglin blushed. “I... I suppose I can eat with you.”</p><p>His captains had all under control, it had been an excuse because he hadn’t wanted to invite himself when Idril hadn’t offered. He felt fuzzy with happiness because she wanted him there.</p><p> </p><p>Maeglin walked quietly back to his tent. It wasn’t completely dark yet, but the camp was already sleeping. Everyone was exhausted from the long marches. Dinner with Idril’s family had been surprisingly relaxed, thanks to Earendil. The boy had a sunny disposition and talked a mile a minute. Only when it had been time to go to bed for him and Idril had left to tuck him in, an uncomfortable silence had descended between Maeglin and Tuor. Maeglin simply didn’t know what to say to the man who had stolen Idril’s heart. He had seen that Tuor was as relieved as he when Idril came back and got conversation back into motion.</p><p>A hand clamped over his mound, Maeglin made a muffled shout and tried to struggle free. His attacker had come from behind, he had been too deep in thought to notice. Another attacker came from an alley between the tents and punched him in the stomach, stopping his struggles. Maeglin gasped for breath. He was vaguely aware that they were dragging him away, but all strength had left his body, he couldn’t fight back.</p><p>They dragged him away from the campfires. Maeglin tensed when hands gripped his arms and hauled him upright. He’d been wrong, there were three of them, not two.</p><p>“It is your fault we lost our home!”, the elf in front of him hissed at him. “Are you just a coward or a damned traiter?”</p><p>The elf punched him in the stomach again and Maeglin would have folded if he hadn’t been held up.</p><p>“What did Morgoth promise you?”</p><p>Even if Maeglin had had enough air in his lungs to answer, he hadn’t known what to say. Morgoth <em>had </em>promised him Idril, but that wasn’t why he’d talked! It had hurt so much. Much more than what these elves did to him right now, but he still felt the crippling fear he’d come to know in Angband’s dungeons. He couldn’t breathe – and not only because he’d been punched. More blows rained down on him. Blood ran from his nose into his mouth, the taste made him gag.</p><p>Before he realised that the blows had stopped, his body had already curled up on the ground. He flinched, when someone touched his shoulder.</p><p>“Lómion?”, he heard Rog’s voice say. “Lómion? It’s over. You are safe now.”</p><p>Maeglin looked up with tear-dimmed eyes. He noticed with part of his mind that some guards tied his attackers up in the background.</p><p>“Turgon is going to hear of this”, Rog said with anger in his voice as he dabbed at the blood on his upper lip. “They won’t get away with it.”</p><p>“How did you find me?”, Maeglin croaked.</p><p>“My men where on guard, they heard sounds and followed them. Because they know that we are friends, one of them ran to notify me. Can you stand up?”</p><p>Maeglin nodded and Rog helped him to his feet. They walked slowly back to the camp.</p><p>“It was about Gondolin”, Maeglin whispered. “Whichever way you look at it, I’m a traitor. I have taken your home from you.”</p><p>He sobbed softly and Rog rubbed his back.</p><p>“Morgoth found us because you told him where we are, yes, but no one should condemn you because you broke under torture. I can understand that you feel guilty, but by confiding in me and your uncle, you made the right decision and <em>that </em>is the most important.”</p><p>Maeglin only realised that he’d been guided to Rog’s tent when his friend made him sit and filled a bowl with water.</p><p>“Do you want to wash your face yourself?”, Rog asked. “Your nose isn’t broken, I think, but it must hurt.”</p><p>Maeglin nodded cautiously. His head hurt and his nose was throbbing angrily. Rog offered him a damp rag and Maeglin gingerly dabbed at the blood on his face. His skin was sore, his eyes already started to swell shut, he closed them and gently pressed the cool rug to his lids.</p><p>“I’m so much trouble for you”, Maeglin said dejectedly. He couldn’t believe that Rog wouldn’t lose patience with him.</p><p>“Nonsense”, Rog said gruffly. “It’s not your fault that there are such idiots among the inhabitants of Gondolin."</p><p> </p><p>Rog could see that Turgon was appalled when he informed him about the matter next morning. Maeglin had spent the night in his own tent. Rog would have let him sleep in his tent, but he’d let the boy decide, he didn’t want to patronise him. Turgon sent for him to hear his side. Maeglin’s face was swollen and starting to look colourful, there was still blood in his nostrils.</p><p>“They are right, of course”, he said with rough voice, after he’d told them what his attackers had said. “It is my fault we are in this position. I deserve this.”</p><p>“No!”, Turgon said sharply and Maeglin flinched. “No”, Turgon repeated more gently and laid his hand on Maeglin’s shoulders. “You don’t deserve this. I’d feel better, if you wouldn’t walk around alone. You have loyal followers, let them protect you.”</p><p>Maeglin grimaced and winced at the pain. “I don’t like to be followed around”, he mumbled.</p><p>“I know and I’m going to make sure everyone understands what is going to happen to people who think they can take their idea of justice in their own hands. But I’d still feel better, if I’d know you protected. Will you do this for me?”</p><p>Maeglin had a lump in his throat, Turgon looked so gently at him and for the first time he really believed that it was about him and not only Aredhel’s memory. He nodded and croaked: “Okay. What... what are you going to do to them?”</p><p>Turgon looked grim. “I won’t let them get away with this. Where are they now?”</p><p>“They are under arrest, guarded by my men”, Rog said. “They belong to Duilin’s House, but I thought it too late yesterday, to bother him with it. Not soldiers, discontent civilians.”</p><p>“I’m going to sit in judgement on them this evening”, Turgon said seriously. “I don’t want to delay our departure by doing it now. Transfer them to Duilin, Rog, they are his to guard.”</p><p>Rog bowed and left the tent, squeezing Maeglin’s shoulder.</p><p>“I’m sorry, uncle”, Maeglin said gloomily. “You have enough on your mind without me being trouble. Should we really hang a lantern on it?”</p><p>He didn’t want any more intention on himself. Turgon’s eyes flashed, Maeglin knew that his anger wasn’t directed at him, but he still felt a shiver run down his back.</p><p>“I won’t let our people think you an outcast and that I don’t care if someone tries to hurt you. You made a mistake, but you paid for it in Angband.”</p><p>Maeglin sucked in his breath, the name felt like a knife was driven through his heart. Turgon’s face became gentle again.</p><p>“I’m sorry to have reminded you of it”, he said.</p><p>Maeglin gave a humourless laugh. “You didn’t. It’s always there, the memory. And the knowledge of what <em>He </em>is going to do to me, if he ever catches me again.” Maeglin shuddered. “That’s why it took me so long to talk to Rog. I was so afraid. I’m still.”</p><p>“But he won’t have you”, Turgon said and embraced him slowly. Maeglin didn’t think he deserved it, but he leaned into him anyway. Turgon was so tall, he felt like a child in his arms – and it was a good feeling. “He won’t know where we go.”</p><p>“If he finds out...”</p><p>“We’ll have the water’s protection. I trust in Ulmo. I should have done so all along. I’m sorry that you had to be captured before I would see reason.” Maeglin didn’t know what to say to that, he’d advised Turgon to stay on that occasion, after all.</p><p>“I should tend to my duties now”, he said.</p><p>“Of course.” Turgon released him from his embrace. “We’ll meet after setting up camp this afternoon.”</p><p>Maeglin felt queasy when he thought of the upcoming trial but he nodded.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Riddles are not mine, I got them from here: <a href="https://www.brainzilla.com/brain-teasers/riddles/rhyming/">https://www.brainzilla.com/brain-teasers/riddles/rhyming/</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Maeglin stood straight, although his injuries protested at that and schooled his features into a blank mask. No one should see how he felt inside, but especially not these elves. He would have liked to ask Turgon to let the matter rest, but he knew that for Turgon this wasn’t about him – not completely, at least. These elves had taken justice into their own hands, it would undermine Turgon’s authority should he allow that.</p>
<p>He bit hard on the inside of his cheek when the whip met the back of one of his attackers. Turgon had sentenced each of them to thirty lashes. The sounds threatened to throw him back to Angband. His cell had been next to one of the torture rooms. He’d heard the screams, the sound of skin ripping under the lash... he’d felt it himself, though they’d taken care to not leave scars. The taste of blood flooded his mouth – he’d bitten down too hard. Behind his back, Maeglin dug his nails into his trembling palms and fought to stay in the present. He wished Rog were at his side, but he stood between Turgon and Duilin and Rog was far away. He reached out with his mind instead, too powerfully, he could feel Rog flinch but then he reached out to meet him.</p>
<p>‘Everything is okay’, his touch said. ‘You just have to hold out a little longer.’</p>
<p>Maeglin hurried to get away from everyone once it was over. He almost ran to his tent and closed the flap behind him. He pressed his hands to his sore eyes, heaving in trembling breaths. Rog’s calming presence touched his mind a moment before his hands descended gently on his shoulders.</p>
<p>“Would you rather be alone?”</p>
<p>Maeglin shook his head silently and leaned into him. “I thought... I was afraid to get a flashback – in front of everyone.” He took a deep breath. “I’m okay now.”</p>
<p>“Good.” Rog hugged him. “And remember: Let your people protect you.”</p>
<p>Maeglin squirmed. “I... I feel awkward about it. Many of them flocked to me after the Nirnaeth, because they were impressed by my courage. They have to despise me now.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think so. Talaran, for example, is very worried for you.”</p>
<p>“You talked to Talaran?” Maeglin didn’t know how to feel about that.</p>
<p>“He noticed that you spend time with me and approached me. He says you always liked your solitude, but that you withdraw even more now. He is very observant. He believes that you think exactly as you do – that your own people are despising you now. They don’t. Trust them, they deserve that.”</p>
<p>Maeglin nodded slowly. “You are right. I’ll try.” He felt guilty for distrusting his people.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maeglin found Talaran at dinner with his other captains.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry to disturb you”, Maeglin said. “Can we talk in private, Talaran?”</p>
<p>“Of course, my lord.”</p>
<p>Talaran left his bowl at the table and followed Maeglin to his tent.</p>
<p>“It looks like I need a bodyguard.” Maeglin touched his aching face. “Can you make a duty roster?”</p>
<p>“Of course, my lord.”</p>
<p>“You talked with Rog.” Maeglin flinched at his own words, that had come out harsher than he’d wanted to and Talaran looked startled.</p>
<p>“I didn’t want to be disrespectful, my lord. I’m sorry if I overstepped.”</p>
<p>“No!” Maeglin shook his head. “I didn’t mean it that way. I... I was surprised that you’re worrying. It’s hard for me to understand why anyone would hold faith with me. I <em>am </em>a traitor.”</p>
<p>“Treason requires intent, at least that’s my view on it. I don’t believe that you bowed to Morgoth willingly.”</p>
<p>Maeglin shook his head. “I didn’t, but... the outcome is the same.”</p>
<p>“And still it makes all the difference.” Talaran looked at him with earnest eyes. “When the king asked me to teach you the sword, it was an honour for me. But I stayed in your service for your own sake. May I speak freely, my lord.”</p>
<p>Maeglin nodded, a lump forming in his throat.</p>
<p>“I know it is not easy for you to make friends. I was surprised at how much started to trust in Rog these last weeks. But if he is good for you, I’m glad. What I really want to say is: Many people look up to you. They are impressed by your rhetoric skill at court, your courage in battle, your masterful smithcraft, your ability to find ore. They follow you because they admire you. And maybe also in the hopes to prove worthy of your friendship. It is true that some turned their backs on you after your speech.” Talaran looked embarrassed, as if it were his fault. “But most stayed. I think, I can speak for us all, if I say that we were always proud to be Moles and that didn’t change.”</p>
<p>Maeglin gulped, tears coming to his eyes. “Although I disappointed you?”</p>
<p>“When Turgon decided to accept Rog and his people, many didn’t like that. The Sindar told horrible stories about thralls. They said, you can’t escape Angband completely. But Turgon decided to trust Rog and everyone Rog thought trustworthy. There <em>were </em>others, who were under Morgoth’s influence. You managed to shake that off, to tell the truth, I don’t think that disappointing. We knew something was wrong. Now that we know what it was... We have your back, Maeglin.”</p>
<p>“Thank you”, Maeglin said, his voice sounding broken with emotion. He knew that he didn’t make it easy for others to come close to him and still he’d won the loyalty of the men and women of his House. “I... would you pass on how much that means to me? I can’t...”</p>
<p>It was so hard to find words when it was about his feelings. Talaran nodded as if he understood.</p>
<p>“I will, my lord.”</p>
<p>He thought of Rog’s gentle reproach. ‘Given time, you’ll find those who are ready to accept you as you are – but you have to allow it, too.’ He should try harder with his people. They had stayed loyal to him, despite his horrible mistake that had cost them their home. Maybe he’d march with them from now on, they deserved  him to be interested in them, to make an effort. Most horses were used as cart horses, aside from the scouts who secured the flanks of their march column only the royal family and the Lords were riding. It would draw some attention, if he decided to walk, but not too much, he thought.</p>
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